Our marriage is not 50/50. Let me say it again. Our marriage is not 50/50.
I think a common misconception about marriage is that you have the happiest marriage when each party gives 50%. I don’t know what kind of tests you’ve taken, but in my experience, 50% is still a failing grade. I owe it to my husband and to our marriage to constantly *try* to give 100% of myself.
It’s much easier said than done. There are days my husband leaves his dirty plate on the table or his clothes next to the hamper. I may have asked him a thousand times not to do that same thing. But you know what? Sometimes I leave my towel on the floor, or my tea cup on the end table. If I attacked my husband every time he has a misstep, what kind of marriage would that be? Not a happy one, that’s for sure. Do I get frustrated and say, “Could you just pick up your darn socks!” from time to time? Heck yes! That’s life. I lose my temper and so does he.
But we never stop trying to give 100%.
Marriage is about grace. Seeing all of your partner’s faults and flaws and loving them anyway. Knowing you also make mistakes and, I don’t know about you, but I certainly appreciate when my husband shows me a little grace.
There are hard days. Days I’m only capable of giving 25%. But if my husband is trying his best to give 100%, we have a much better chance of succeeding. After all, that’s 125%, right? Now imagine I was having a rough day and only able to give 25%, if he was only giving 50%, because that’s all he should HAVE to give, our marriage is only at 75%. Call me out here, but I would much rather have a 125% combined effort in my marriage instead of 75%. Doesn’t that sound a little happier, a little healthier?
Marriage is tough. Don’t think I forgot that or that I live in a fantasy world where someone is always happy. I know that’s not realistic. My husband and I saw a marriage counselor when we were going through a rough patch. We both wanted to be better, but we’re both stubborn and wanted to place blame. At that point, we were forced to shift our focus: to focus on each other at each others best, instead of dwelling in the current worst. There was so much more we love about each other when we really sat down and didn’t TRY to think of all the quirks, missteps or negatives.
When we were willing to give up our own selfishness and get back to giving 100% of ourselves to not only each other, but our marriage, we saw a quick change in that rough patch.
No longer did we think the other was doing something solely to “spite” the other, but instead we remembered, “hey, they’re trying their best right now and I can give that same effort.”
So see, I don’t think giving 50% is the best way to go about marriage. Try giving 100% and let me know how your marriage changes.
All my love,