Tonight I sat and cried. Cried because I’m not feeling like a good mom, cried because I’m not feeling like a good wife, cried because I messed up our finances, cried because I can’t keep the house clean enough, cried because I failed on my diet again, cried because I didn’t have dinner ready, cried because I’m not a good enough friend, cried because I can’t go to the bathroom alone, cried because I’m overwhelmed.
I know this is just season and that tomorrow will probably be better. I know that everyday is a new day and how I’m feeling today, I might not feel tomorrow. But I might feel the same way. I might still be overwhelmed with emotion and stressed from the day to day. Tomorrow I might cry because of an entirely new set of reasons.
I have days I feel like a rockstar mom, a great wife, and a good friend. Today wasn’t one of those days. And that’s ok.
I know I was created for a higher purpose, to love and raise my kids to be the best people they can be that love Jesus and have huge hearts, to be the best partner to my husband, and to be a rock for my friends. It’s ok to feel like I failed in those endeavors sometimes. What’s not ok, is not getting up and trying again tomorrow to be better than I was today. I might still fail, but I’ll sure as heck try to do better, be better.
I think so often as moms and wives, we’re expected to keep it together. We’re the ones who chose to get married and have these babies. We made this decision so who are we to complain?
And while that’s true, I did decide this path for myself, that doesn’t mean I can’t have days of utter defeat. It doesn’t mean I love my kids, my husband, or my friends any less. In fact, I would say that shows how much I DO love them, that I would care so much about their feelings and happiness that it overwhelms me with intense and passionate emotion.
Tonight, I needed a minute. I needed to hide away in a spare room and cry into a blanket. Then I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes, and did what I knew best how to do, continue being a mom. I finished bed time stories and songs, gave hugs, kisses and a few extra cuddles, and finished my “mom duties.” Because that’s what moms do best, fight through their pain and emotion for their families.
Tomorrow will hopefully be better than today, but tonight, tonight I cried.
All my love,